


To Love, To Be Abandoned

by Cherry_TheGenZ



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Break Up, Hurt No Comfort, Loneliness, M/M, Poor Sapnap, Sad Ending, Sad Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Sapnap-centric (Video Blogging RPF), Self-Projecting from the Author, Unrequited Love, idk how to tag this, of sorts, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-21 20:07:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30027153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cherry_TheGenZ/pseuds/Cherry_TheGenZ
Summary: Sapnap is not a poetic person, but he thinks their love could be described as a tragedy. He who was fire and flame, and Dream who was both the wind which made that fire stronger and the rain of which put out that flame.
Relationships: Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream/Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 40





	To Love, To Be Abandoned

**Author's Note:**

> Major self-projecting here :') oof
> 
> I was also in the correct mindset to write sadnap,, specifically unrequited dreamnap of sorts. it's just so interesting, because nature metaphors are fun and match all of the dream team absolutely wonderfully.

In Sapnap’s mind, their love is a tragedy. He is not a particularly poetic person, but as he lays on the cold sheets and stares up at his ceiling, his mind writes out his own hurt as though it is a story to be told. Perhaps it is. Maybe, he will get over this faster if he allows himself to romanticize. But the hurt lingers under the blank surface Sapnap has made himself to be.

Sapnap had always been like fire, burning and able to either be a source of warmth or a beast which left only ashes behind its path. His emotions were strong and powerful, flickering behind his eyes. He’d never bothered hiding this part of him, the one so emotional and obvious. The flame made him  _ himself.  _

It felt like that flame had disappeared.

Dream had been like a storm, or a hurricane. Sapnap couldn’t quite describe him, but at first Dream had been the strong winds which made Sapnap’s flame stronger. And suddenly, Dream became a rainfall which put out his fire, leaving only a faint smell of smoke.    
  
To be left this empty due to one person is heartbreaking. Knowing the same person who made your world bright and colorful also stole those same colors away is horrid. Sapnap suddenly feels all too open, all too big and he curls into a little ball. Inside, he feels too small and it makes him want to hide away from the world. He thinks he’s run out of tears, or perhaps he is just too tired to cry anymore. He’d spent days mourning the loss of love, the loss of happiness he had become accustomed to. Now, he is alone. Frighteningly and startling  _ alone. _

His flame has been put out, and he’s never felt this type of loneliness before.

\--

Their love had been beautiful, at first. It could be written from a storybook; two childhood friends eventually begin feeling affection from each other. Though they were not close at first, they slowly became more friendly with one another. And suddenly, one confesses and the other follows. With red faces, they begin dating. Perhaps peer-pressuring forced them together when they weren’t ready, but if this is written as a story then the peer-pressuring isn’t  _ pressuring,  _ but  _ encouraging.  _ And the two are happy! They liked each other, they began dating, and that was their happily ever after.

Sapnap had been  _ happy.  _ Sapnap had been overwhelmingly full of joy, just because he knew somebody wanted  _ him.  _ Somebody liked him,  _ Dream  _ liked him. Dream who seemed like sunshine on some days, Dream with a smile that simply bursts with happiness, Dream who just made him  _ happy.  _ Dream that he could talk to comfortably, Dream who he joked with and laughed with. 

Nevermind the distance that Sapnap never noticed, nevermind the doubt, nevermind the fact that Sapnap most likely wasn’t mentally stable enough for any type of relationship, nevermind that Dream didn’t know how to share affection.   
  
Perhaps it is here that their story becomes a tragedy. Sapnap suffers quietly, Sapnap does things he shouldn’t do, Sapnap cries alone and texts his closest friends. Sapnap is not  _ okay,  _ and he goes to his friends ( _ not his own boyfriend, his first ever boyfriend) _ . And here, Karl and Quackity worry and go to tell Dream, because  _ “Dream, your boyfriend isn't okay, your boyfriend needs love and affection.” _ _  
_ _  
_ And Dream doesn’t say a thing. Dream stands there, Sapnap staring in horrification because Dream doesn’t say  _ anything.  _   
  
Dream walks away. ( _ He always walks away.) _

A part of Sapnap  _ shatters.  _

_ If he cares, why did he walk away? _ _  
_ _  
_ _ If he loves me, why doesn’t he care? _ _  
  
_

\--

This is not the end, of course. But.. slowly, ever so slowly they drift apart. Sapnap loves him. Dream doesn’t love him back. They lack communication, both too inexperienced with love or relationships that neither truly talk with one another. They enjoy their time together, but Sapnap thinks that they will not last.

They don’t.

\--

It is in January that they break up. Sapnap is the one to talk to Dream. Of course Sapnap is the one to talk to him, because Sapnap is breaking inside and Dream-

Dream doesn’t care. 

Sapnap hopes, just maybe that when he tells Dream they must part that Dream will-

That Dream will do  _ something.  _ That Dream would prove he does care, that they can fix this, that it’s not just Sapnap who’s been worried.

Dream just  _ agrees.  _ Dream agrees and walks away with no other words, just leaves Sapnap there alone. 

\--

It feels like it is only a day after their break-up that Dream asks George out. Dream does this in public, in front of Sapnap, Dream had the indecency to ask Sapnap  _ ‘Is it okay, if I ask him out?’ _

And while Sapnap is so glad Dream asked, that Dream cared, even in the slightest- Sapnap can  _ see  _ how Dream likes George, how Dream craves George in a way Dream never craved him. And how could Sapnap say no? 

Instead, Sapnap smiles and says it’s okay. It feels like he just stabbed himself in the heart as Dream heads to George. And the world is silent, the only thing that exists is the feeling of Karl holding him up and walking him away from the sight. It barely helps, because all he can see is Dream asking George out, all he can hear is Dream looking so  _ happy.  _

Sapnap feels sick. Empty and sick. 

\--

There is nothing. Sapnap doesn’t know what is wrong with himself. All he knows is that something is  _ missing.  _ The warm fire that made up his soul is gone, put out by seeing his own  _ ex  _ ask out somebody else  _ in front of his eyes.  _ He watched the one he  _ loves  _ ask out  _ another.  _

His tears truly do dry out, and all Sapnap knows is that he is tired. He is tired and hurt. He is ashes, left from what used to be a brilliant flame. He is ashes and  _ smoke,  _ a remnant of what he used to be. 

  
Sapnap might not be the most poetic, but he knows that he might never rise again from the ashes as a phoenix does. He is not a phoenix; he is a human who has been  _ hurt.  _

**Author's Note:**

> woooooo anybody else know how bad it is to see your ex ask somebody else out in front of you??? lmao happened a long time ago but that hurrrttt. now sappy nappy's hurt as well :(
> 
> i wrote this while procrastinating on the next chap of reflection of oneself also dnwawoaidiawdi


End file.
